Life Tips #16: Wayne Dhesi, 30, founder of rucomingout

1. Complement each other. A really great thing about gay relationships is that the basic differences between men and women …

1. Complement each other. A really great thing about gay relationships is
that the basic differences between men and women are simply not there. My partner Dan and I both leave the toilet seat up and we can share our clothes too. But I’m quite uptight and like to plan things, whereas Dan is very laidback.

2. It’s not the norm being gay, that’s just a fact of life. There will always be minorities in society and they will be singled out. My hope is that people are judged on their actions and not on who they fancy or fall in love with.

3. Don’t keep saying ‘tomorrow’. Although planning for anything is really important, I was using it as an excuse for my lack of confidence. It wasn’t until I actually put the idea for rucomingout into practise that I developed a real drive. Ideas only blossom when they are realised.


4. Be brave. I couldn’t expect people to share private aspects of their lives unless I did the same. I’ve allowed hundreds of people to read about my very personal experiences by blogging, tweeting and writing my own story. The whole process has given me a sense of confidence and pride I never imagined I’d have.

5. Listen to all feedback. Acknowledging negativity can produce more positivity within yourself. Some people say I should remove my website in case contributors become victims of homophobic bullying. I don’t ignore these kinds of comments – I reply to each one and explain why I disagree.

6. Don’t waste time thinking about what you haven’t done. My father died when I was 15 (in a car accident alongside my 18 year old brother) so I never had the chance to tell him I was gay. He was brought up in an Indian famiy but was born in the UK so had western values. I’ll never know what he would have thought about me – but I can’t worry about it.

7. Dig out the news that you want to hear. I’ve learnt tales of heartbreak and joy not by watching TV but by searching them out online, talking to strangers, reading obscure blogs. There are over 7 billion people in this world and their daily stories won’t all fit into a half hour bulletin. And that’s what my rucomingout project all is about.

To contribute a Coming Out story to Wayne’s project email him here.


  • Show Comments

  • David

    “Acknowledging negativity can produce more positivity within yourself.”

    Is this a wind up?

    • Wayne Dhesi

      David – I’m not sure why you’d think my comment was a wind up!?!
      Acknowledging the threatening emails that I receive from people telling me that my site should be removed because it promotes homosexulaity (negativity) makes me more determined to improve and grow the site to help those who need it (positivity).

  • Kentishtowner

    David -think it’s worth clarifying that in this point Wayne simply means he acknowledges all feedback he gets from the project.

    Can you explain what you mean?