Pic by Ellie Baskett
Mrs Kentishtowner is not a happy bunny. Her younger, dare we say sexier sibling, Miss KT, has just moved into a gorgeous warehouse building slapbang in the heart of NW5.
‘It’s your own fault.’ She poked her tongue out at her older sister. ‘That stupid blog thing you write made it sound too good.’
‘But what’s wrong with Hackney?’ screamed Mrs Kentishtowner, adopting a firmer line than Angela Merkel at an EU summit. ‘Isn’t that where all the young people flock to?’
‘Plus,’ she continued, on a roll now, ‘if you’d actually taken the time to read the damn thing, you’d realize I don’t actually write it. Still, since you’re local you may as well make yourself useful.’
It was agreed that Miss KT would contribute some words to said family blog. ‘It’ll be about celebrities,’ she muttered darkly, over the din of Sunday night’s X Factor. ‘You know, spotteds.’
And she wasn’t kidding. Fast forward a few days an here are some she’s already clocked *clears throat*:
‘Loose Women presenter Carol McGiffin, having a drink at The Abbey with her toyboy; Noel Fielding, in his circulation-restricting jeans and pointy boots; The Inbetweeners’ Simon Bird at arguably KT’s coolest pub, The Pineapple; actor Bill Nighy striding down Leighton Road, nose in the air; gorgeous Jude with his kids at the Talacre Sports Centre; Billie Piper, turning onto Haverstock Hill with Lawrence Wotsisface; Julian Barratt walking his kids to school; and – my absolute favourite – 80s legend Pat Sharp being dragged along by his bulldogs.’
Wow. Give the girl a job at Heat.
‘But before you think you’re tapping into the zeitgeist,’ warned a clearly rattled Mrs Kentishtowner, ‘I’ll have you know that NW5’s celeb-appeal is no recent thing. Even Karl Marx loved a bit of West Kentish Town. In fact, he still resides, of course, in nearby Highgate.’ And with that she stomped off for a warm scotch egg at the Bull & Last.
Readers, we need some help. Have you seen an indie band member, pre-Forum gig, wandering down Kentish Town Road in a “refreshed state” (mentioning no names, Evan Dando)? Snapped Giles Coren sheepishly leaving Rio’s at a questionable hour? Or Tracey Thorn selecting a gown in Blustons? If so, let us know below. The funniest spot will win a Hitherto Unidentified Gift.
(And no, boys, that’s not a date with Miss KT. She’s hitched already. Well, kind of. Put it this way, it’s complicated.)
Words by Ellie Baskett & Stephen Emms.
Want to write for The Kentishtowner? Email firstname.lastname@example.org