I have been vicar at two churches in NW6 – St Mary’s in Kilburn and St James’ in West Hampstead – for 15 years. And, like thousands of others, I’m thrilled that this spring, for the first time, gay men and women will be able to marry. Across England joyful celebrations will take place, in registry offices, stately homes and in some churches and synagogues.
Unfortunately, however, none of those celebrations will take place in Church of England parish churches. Last year the bishops of the Church of England asked for, and received, a ‘quadruple lock out’– the legal baring of C of E clergy from conducting equal marriage ceremonies. The bishops didn’t consult with their clergy about whether we wanted to be excluded nor did they seek the opinion of the lay membership of the Church.
Like many clergy, and in private many of those same bishops, I am embarrassed by the situation in which we now find ourselves. Over the years I have married many straight couples and offered prayers and blessings to gay and lesbian couples, both before civil partnerships were possible and since. Many clergy do the same. The seriousness, the commitment and the joy at publicly declaring a love found and knowing the support of family and friends is the same for any couple regardless of their sexuality.
Marriage does not belong to the Church, it never has done and it does not now, and to claim that one expression of love is preferable over another and to ban from the Church genuine requests for blessing and recognition is a form of discrimination and prejudice that would be, frankly, illegal for any other organisation.
My parishes registered their church halls some time ago as venues for civil ceremonies. Other churches across the country have done the same. We host weddings and civil partnerships and, should a couple want to ask for a service afterwards in church we respond as we would to any couple coming to us for marriage or a dedication. It is not an ideal response and it is not what we would like to be able to offer, but it is all we can do at the moment.
Sadly I think it is going to take years to reverse the legislative block, but later this month our bishops meet again, in closed session, to discuss the Pilling Report, a long-awaited report about how the Church should face the future on human sexuality. The report, which has many failings, nonetheless recommends that official liturgies for the blessing after civil marriage and civil partnerships should be prepared for those of us who are willing to use them. I hope that they accept the need to do so.
And as for my own situation? My partner and I were blessed by a priest eight years ago: we have not entered a civil partnership since we have never seen that it would add much to our commitment to each other. We are talking about marriage, and almost certainly will get married at some point, though we are fighting – like any other couple – about who is going to ask whom.
Follow Father Andrew on Twitter: @churchnw6
2 thoughts on “‘Marriage does not belong to the church, it never has done and it does not now’”
About time someone said what most people are thinking. Well said, Fr. Andrew!
Hopefully the publicising of Fr Andrew’s sane and forthright comments will encourage others to speak their mind too. I write as a priest who has been happy to make her own views known in the local press over the past decade.